Morbid Humour At Its Best...

Tis You Alone I Trust...

The last time I went blank in the head,
Twas not the lord I seeked,
Instead, I called upon the one - who like me,
Had no filter between his brain and his mouth.
Hail O Calvin I cried.
And in a flash he came,
Soaring with his wings of imagination.
And placed upon my head his tiny little hand,
And passed upon me,
all the wisdom his tiny six year old brain ever had within.

Ah - the ecstasy of thinking with a six-year-old mind.

How wilfully I bequiled my writing faculty thereafter,
With the many tricks my manaseega guru zapped into my brain.
Thoughts I had many,
None of which I had really thought over.
They rolled forth as they were,
Untouched by the hypocrisy of conformity.

Ah - the ecstasy of writing with a six-year-old mind.

Where has thou disappeared to, O Great One?
Were you frightened away by the recent hullabaloo in my life,
That forcefully dragged me into the other side of life,
(much unlike the one you and i know to be real)'
One in which I had to act the adult that I am supposed to be,
Adulterating the very principles you and I hold close to our hearts.

Come do your zapping bit once more, won't you Calvin?
I cannot go on this way -
All blank in the head.
My blog as barren of posts
...as my mind is of ideas.

Come soaring O Great One,
Tis you alone I trust.

That's Life For You...

G.R.O.S.S - An Overview

Susie Derkins is Calvin's mild-mannered, and polite classmate who values school and education. How in the world could anyone be all that, wonders Calvin, and so he tries his best to constantly tease, ridicule and annoy Susie.

The truth is - Calvin, in a funny sort of way, actually likes Susie. Hobbes too continually tries to seek attention from her, a fact which drives Calvin up the wall.

But that's beside the point. Calvin has a reputation to maintain, afterall - and a large part of it revolves around being the girl-hater that he believes he is. And so, it was with Susie's misery as the main objective that G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS), a secret club, was created by Calvin and Hobbes. That, and to exclude girls from the club should they decide to want to join (not that anyone wanted to, of course).

The headquarters of G.R.O.S.S. is based on a treehouse - where G.R.O.S.S.'s only members, Calvin and Hobbes meet to plot on the many ways to possibly make Susie's life miserable.

Now you may wonder why G.R.O.S.S. only has two members, and that too, only founding members. Well, the fact is getting into G.R.O.S.S. is no easy walk in the park!

Not when the password goes something like this...

Tigers are mean
Tigers are fierce
Tigers have teeth
And claws that pierce.
Tigers are great
They can't be beat
If I was a tiger
That would be neat!
Tigers are nimble
And light on their toes
My respect for tigers
Continually grows.
Tigers are perfect
The e-pit-o-me
Of good looks and grace
And quiet dignity!
Tigers are great
They're the toast of town
Life's always better
When a tiger's around!

If you think that's not all too impossible to remember, there's also the song you are required to sing at the end of each G.R.O.S.S. Meeting:

Attention! all rise! This meeting of G.R.O.S.S.
Is now called to order by the great grandiose
Dictator for life, the ruler supreme,
The fearless the brave, the held-high-in-esteem,
Calvin the Bold! Yes stand up and hail
His humbleness now! May his wisdom prevail!
Three cheers for first tiger and el presidente
Hobbes, the delight of all cognoscenti!
He's savvy! He has a prodigious IQ,
and lots of panache, as all tigers do!
In his fancy chapeau, he's a leader with taste!
May his orders be heeded and his views be embraced!
Oooh, G.R.O.S.S.,
The best club in the cosmos...

Being the club that means serious business that it is, minutes are prepared too. In fact, there's a web page for those who wish to know the going-ons of the meetings. Click on it and you will find this...

Calvin: See, Hobbes, I TOLD you someone's gonna visit this page. Now where's those minutes I had prepared for you?

Hobbes: Oh, the minutes? It's 12:15.

Calvin: No, no, no, you big dummy, THESE minutes! Do you think I gave you these pages for decoration?!?

Hobbes: Sorry. *A-he-hem!* The Official G.R.O.S.S. Minutes.

11:45: G.R.O.S.S. Meeting starts.

11:50: we discuss plans on how to annoy Susie, until Hobbes says something low and degrading.

11:52: Hobbes gets temporary demotion.

11:55: Fight for hours and hours straight, until we reach a conclusion.