Discovering Kada-vul - Beyond and Within...

I have a love-hate relationship with Lord Muruga.

When I was a toddler, I was raised on Murugan songs. I say I was raised on songs instead of prayers because as a child, devotional Murugan songs appealed to me and moved me more than prayers did. Now as an adult, I understand why that was so. Singing, or hearing others sing praises of the lord is the simplest way to feel HIM within you, whether or not you want to. That probably explains why every Hindu saint is known to have composed some devotional song or other. And so, I grew up singing or hearing murugan songs sung by renowned singers from India. Sirgazhi Govindarajan, Bangalore Ramani Ammal, and Pithukuli Murugadas (a blind singer) were my classic favourites where Murugan songs were concerned. They had that special magic in their voices, and listening to their songs moves me to ecstatic tears even at this age.

Later, when I was in my teens, I became influenced by what was the "in thing" then among spiritualists, and ended up chanting Hare Krsna and believing that Krsna alone was God.

It's amazing how, among people born of the same faith, there exists a false sense of superiority about our 'gods'. The vaishnavites insist that Krsna/Vishnu alone is the saviour of the world, and yet would not mind saying hello in passing to the saivite gods - Muruga, Shiva, Vinagayar - which is often done with the same kind of sympathy the stronger often has for the weaker. The staunch saivites, on the other hand, stick to what they know best and worship their 'gods' with an almost fanatical devotion, allowing their faith to be infiltrated with the 'fairer gods' only when absolutely unavoidable.

I believe that faith too, like all else in one's life, can only be perfected over time, with experience. That which is fed to us by our parents can only remain true and applicable up to a certain phase of our lives. One's faith/spirituality is a very personal experience and can only be truly discovered on one's own.

There will come a time in our lives when we sense a closer connection to one in particular of the many gods we had been brought up on, or even to one we had not been familiar with till then. There is a term in thamizh - "ishta deivam" (the god who is close to your heart). That is not to say that the other gods who are not your 'ishta deivams' are unreal. They are all just as real as they are unreal to some.

But what is real to you is the one truth that you hold close to in your heart - the one whom you know you can turn to for inner guidance, the one you know and believe to direct your every action and thought, the one whose mere name fills your being with sheer ecstasy...