The 'Greatest' Poet To Have Ever 'Walked' This Earth...:)

MATH

While lying on my back to make
An angel in the snow,
I saw a greenish craft appear!
A giant UFO!
A strange unearthly hum it made!
It hovered overhead!
And aliens were moving 'round
In view ports glowing red!
I tried to run for cover, but
A hook that they had low'r'd
Snagged me by my overcoat
And hoisted me aboard!
Even then, I tried to fight,
And though they numbered many,
I poked them in their compound eyes
And pulled on their antennae! It was no use!
They dragged me to a platform, tied me up,
And wired to my cranium
A fiendish suction cup!
They turned it on and current coursed
Across my cerebullum,
Coaxing from my brain tissue
The things I wouldn't tell 'em!
All the math I ever learned,
The numbers and equations,
Were mechanic'ly removed
In this brain-draining operation!
My escape was an adventure,
(I won't tell you what I did.)
Suffice to say, I cannot add,
So ask some other kid.


THE EVIL SANTA POEM

My hands were all shaky
My hands are all pale.
A letter from Santa
Had just arrived in the mail.
It was hand written,
In old fashioned ink pen
It was handsomely written
And dated Twelve-Ten.
"Dear Calvin," it said
"I'm writing because
This year I've repealed
My naughty/nice laws. So now I urge you:
Be vulgar and crude!
I like it when children
Are boorish and rude. Burp at the table!
Gargle your peas!
Never say 'Thank you,'
'Your Welcome,' Or
'Please.' Talk back to your mother!
Don't do what you're told!
Stick your tongue out
At your Dad if he scolds.
Drive everyone crazy!
I really don't care.
Act like a jerk
Anytime, Anywhere!
I'm changing the rules!
The Bad girls and boys
Will be, from now on,
The ones who get the toys! Good little kids make
Me sick, its no joke
Sincerely, signed Santa ...
And Then I awoke.
I hate being good
(Or trying to fake it).
Six days until Christmas
I don't think I'll make it.